Now where does that leave you?

• M. Wild's gRape Van ~ Win and score more points than anyone ever has and your in, simple! ... well maybe a few more things have to happen... BUT Sitting at the worst odds of making the playoffs this year Coach Aaron needs to not only defeat Lamb of god this week, but also needs Ketchup & Mostert as well as DomePatrol to lose and needs to score 166.32 more points than Coach Matt scores with his team this week. Chances of making playoffs... .000001%.

• Lamb of god ~ A Win, followed by loses from Ketchup & Mostert as well as DomePatrol couple with a minimal amount of points due to your current 1747.39 points being the second most scored in the league. In addition to Ketchup & Mostert losing, he cannot score more than 74.56 more than you, likely not going to happen especially in a lose. Although you may be the first top scorer to NOT make the playoffs. Which would be an accurate depiction of what Fantasy Football is! Ha! Chances of making playoffs... 27%.

• DomePatrol ~ A Win, hope and a loss from Ketchup & Mostert and you are in! Playing The Suess is Loose this week which is a 50% coin flip of a match currently. With Ketchup & Mostert currently projected to win by a slight margin of 57%, your chances of making the playoffs are rough. With a Win and a Win from Ketchup & Mostert, you could still make it to the playoffs IF Skankin' Pickle losses and you score a total of 40.13 more points than Coach Jenny. Best idea, win and hope Coach David follow's through with his text promise on defeating Coach Matt. A loss is not the best way to play this one out. You would need a loss from Coach Matt AND still score 261.54 more points then him... lets just win and hope. Chances of making playoffs... 38%

• Ketchup & Mostert ~ Why you so good looking? Get in there and make everyone think you rig the system. Chances of making playoffs... 100% - IKYKIK  ;'P

• Skankin' Pickle ~ Win and you're in! But lose and you're playing a scary game of Russian Roulette. Playing Pocket Dogs this week, your odds of winning that game are just 39% currently. Sitting with the 4th lowest point total, it is a Fantasy Blessing that you are where you are currently. You also want loses from Ketchup & Mostert as well as DomePatrol  so they don't usurp your position. In the chance that you lose, you need at least a loss from Ketchup & Mostert as their point total is too high, but if DomePatrol wins on your loss you better hope Coach Sam doesn't score more than 40.13 more points than you this week or you are OUT. Chances of making playoffs... 47%.

• Pocket Dogs ~ Win and you're in! Lose and your playing walk over this line and you're still in. Playing Skankin' Pickle this week, your odds of winning that game are 61% currently. In the off chance that you lose, you need may need losses from Ketchup & Mostert as their point total is too high and DomePatrol IF he miraculously scores 151.82 more points than you this week . Chances of making playoffs... 99%.

• MyCouchPullsOutIDont ~ Win and you're in! Lose and you're 99% still in. Playing High Speed Chase this week, your odds of winning that game are 47% currently. You are playing for a first week BYE. IF you lost, the only way you wouldn't make the playoffs is if Ketchup & Mostert as well as DomePatrol won this week AND DomePatrol somehow miraculously scores 193.72 more points than you this week . Chances of making playoffs... 99.99%.

• High Speed Chase ~ Win and you're in! Lose and you're 99.9% still in. Playing MyCouchPullsOutIDont this week, your odds of winning that game are 53% currently. You are playing for a first week BYE. IF you lost, the only way you wouldn't make the playoffs is if Ketchup & Mostert as well as DomePatrol won this week AND DomePatrol somehow miraculously scores 298.5 more points than you this week . Chances of making playoffs... 99.9999999999%.

WHEN DOES THE PAIN STOP?                                           - 9/23 -

Here we are, at the beginning of Week 3. And some teams are feeling like Thursday Nights 49ers, and some are feeling like Thursday nights Giants… who cannot wait to relieve their youth with watching Usher perform at the Super Bowl from their couch. Our hearts sank when Jim Reese… I mean Aaron Rodgers went down… and the pain didn’t end there. Some Coaches have felt the IR wrath stronger than others but there's hope for those coaches… Fantasy Hockey drafts are starting this week.

Lamb of God – Last year's Champ, Best Draft Grade with an A+(!!) and projected to finish 1st with a record of 13-1 has started out 0-2… Hallelujah for the rest of us! As League history documents: No team has won the league AND got the best draft score. Coach Tim has made 6 moves, is the 3rd highest scoring team with the hardest schedule with 280 points scored against him. Week 1 he went up against Coach David and Koo Koo Kachoo, who ended up being the week’s highest scoring team. Even with his Top TE Travis Kelce being out, there was not much hope for Coach Tim week 1, losing by 29.48 points. The stellar performance by Michael Pittman though, just wasn’t enough to start the season off on a good foot. Week 2 was followed by what could be considered a worse outcome. Going Head to Head with Coach Matt to do a rematch of last year’s Championship game, a game that was decided by only a few points where Lamb of Gods came out on top, this was not the case in this match. Despite a GREAT waiver wire pick up of Kyren Williams beginning of week 2, who is now the RB #2… A late Monday night loss of 2 points from his defense, gave Coach Tim a bitter taste of defeat by just 1.68 points.

With projections of winning his match up with battered and bruised Coach Aaron and his M. Wild’s gRape Van squad. Is it an easy win or will bad luck continue?

Koo Koo Kachoo – David, the Draft grade of D, and a projected finishing of 11th, started the season out with a BANG!! Earning high points Week One with a score of 146.64, leading the way were Stefon Diggs, Aaron Jones and Tua, all scoring more than 26 points each. Sitting up high in first place was unfortunately short lived when he became the lowest scoring team in week 2. Coach Davids bench which had zero-point scoring Aaron Jones and 6.6 total points from both T. Higbee and R. Penny combined STILL out scored his starting roster! With Russel Wilson, C. Kirk and Nico Collins making their case to be in the starting lineup… but now Nico is gone, and D’Andre Swift is coming in hot after a trade with Coach Eamonn, but will Swift stay hot? Coach David has a projected nail biter of a game against Ketchup & Mostert in week 3. With a projected 50% chance of winning, will this coin flip match go in his favor or not? (tell Tua to throw all the TD’s to Tyrek Hill ;p)

Dome Patrol – Last year’s 7th place finisher and winner of the consolation bracket had high hopes on this year. With CHATGPT telling us that he is going to once again finish in 7th with a 6-8 record… well I can see the D+ draft grade with that draft queue slip up with grabbing Juwan Johnson about 3 rounds too early, and the early loss of Aaron Rodgers would indicate something of a repeat year. Another team might say that after seeing week ones performance but that’s not stopping Coach Sam, and I think there’s plenty of talent on this team to get Sam into the playoffs. Week One’s performance from same had 3 starters scoring big ole GOOSE EGGS, 3?! And arguably one of the best RB’s, if not the best, in the league Austin Ekeler, getting injured. His week one loss was actually still a close match considering 3 players scoring zero. Sam’s waiver wire acquisitions have been the best so far, Puka Nacua, Zach Moss, & Josh Reynolds and he was primed for a good game week 2 and that is exactly what happened! Players did what was expected of them, and Puka led the way! Will there be a repeat in week 3 with a tough matchup against the Suess is Loose?

M. Wilds gRape Van - Finished 6th place last year and projected to not finish “well” this year aka 12th. Was it a draft day debacle or just bad luck? Maybe a little bit of both. When Yahoo doesn’t know how to review your draft, then you know somethings up (take a look, there’s nothing there). But drafting boom or bust Daniel Jones aside, bad luck is definitely one of the issues losing your first round draft pick before he plays and you third round draft pick in the game; both til week 5 or 6 puts you in an uphill battle.  Despite these large gashing to his Coaching Self Esteem and team feng shui… His starters are actually top 5 among the league (see chart below); all that to say anything is possible, this is Fantasy Football! Call Derrick Henry and Kenneth Walker Texas RUNger III up and tell them to rack up the points.  

With that said you’ve had a zero-scoring player on your team the last two weeks, so stop playing with a self-imposed handicap… and im not talking about Giants QB Daniel Jones, because he was 100% the reason you won week 2; as he was the highest scoring player of the week. Week 3 looks like a loss right out the gate… but the true Lamb of God sacrificed himself for all mankind…. Our Lamb of god (little “g”) might need some coaxing to make any sacrifices… act quick!

Pocket Dogs – Finishing the year last year in 10th place and winning this year's Draft games, secured him a first pick draft selection. This then earned him a respectable B+ draft grade, with a projected record of 10-4 and finishing in 2nd place. Starting the season with possibly the projected best RB in the league in Nick Chubb, Coach Jimmy also snatched up JK Dobbins in the second round, Khalil Herbert in the 6th and Kamara in the 7th. 6 RB’s in total in the draft, and keeper Justin Jefferson (likely the best WR in the game) in the 3rd things looked good. But here we are in week 3… with the lowest point total of the season at 187 total points… what happened? Well Kamara is suspended for 3 games, already known. Okay. Week 1… JK Dobbins goes down with a season ending injury… week 2, tragic loss of Nick Chubb to a gross injury. But Coach Jimmy has Achane, who is a kinda sleeper primed for a break out, and waiver pick up of T. Jones Jr, may fill up these spots in a satisfactory way. Week 3 against the Skankin Pickle with a slight advantage in projected points, could elevate this current 9th place team.  

High Speed Chase – Finished 4th last year and decided to take a different route and decided to hang out in 12th place spot this year for a little bit… I wonder for how long? With a draft grade of B- and somehow also a projected 7th place finish, Coach Reese has only made 2 waiver wire acquisitions… which is also strange seeing that Kirk Cousins is his best player currently. Coach Reeses 5th round Keeper pick of Amon-Ra and 15th round pick Hunter Henry are currently ranked higher than his first 4 draft picks of Garrett Wilson, Joe Mixon, Ja’Marr Chase and James Cook.

Week 1 was a tough match up against current first place holder The Shawshank Rhamondre, losing by 17 points but putting up a respectable 110 points. Joe Mixon and JaMarr Chase are on a struggling team for no good reason, but it rolled over to week 2… where Coach Reese saw Kirk Cousins, Zay Flowers and Hunter Henry out score their counter parts from the bench. BUT NOT this week! Up against old co-worker Coach Eamonn (who definitely started a year AFTER Reese started), the projected battle is separated by less than 2 points and will likely depend on matchups.

MyCouchPullsOutIDont – The highly vocal 2 time league champ championed the draft with an A score, and a 2nd place projected finish. I might add that the 2nd highest scoring draft grade has won the league more than once… This train of team is literally led by 1st round draft keeper Christian McCaffrey who is leading the league in overall points. One might think that his 5th round keeper Josh Jacobs would be close behind in points but instead the current RB3 who was drafted in the 9th round: Brian Robinson is making waves.

Thanks to Calvin Ridley, McCaffrey and the Packers D… a week one win was secured and the poor performances by Lamar Jackson, J. Jacobs, and D. Swift can be overlooked. Especially when Jackson and Swift show up the following week, despite the latter being on the bench. Coach Eamonn is 2-0 with the 5th highest points scored and the easiest schedule to date, with only 173.14 points scored against him (which is almost the amount Shawshank Rhamondre scored week 2!) Looking to climb the ladder and become a Fantasy God like his Idol and Role Model Matt Wilday, Coach Eamonn is looking for his 3rd title or to at least make the playoffs and forget about his 5-9 season last year. I think McCaffrey might be that Golden Ticket for Coach Eamonn to make it to the upper echelons of Fantasydom; where the air is clearer, the championship rings shine brighter, and the justified fantasy smack talk just flows from the tongue. But first, you will just need to beat 0-2 team Reese… who definitely started the league before you.

Impotent Sea Snakes – Last year was projected to finish first last year but landed in 5th overall. This year the projection of finishing 9th due to a draft grade of D+, which is passing grade… I think, ha! Coach Guy is also projected to have the HARDEST schedule in the league, which does not mix well with underperforming must start first and second round draft picks Jahmyr Gibbs & Najee Harris. Tyler Lockett, the Dallas Defense and Justin Fields have been the only team members who have been making much of a difference on the team currently. The Sea Snakes are a team with lots of potential with Fields, Gibbs, McLarin. Waddle, M. Thomas and YES… the running back calamity Jonathan Taylor. The question is how many years will JT wreak havoc on the Sea Snakes?

Week 1 was up against the overly handsome Coach Matt, and the Cheeta aka T. Hill and he was not letting anything past him and scored 44.5 Points. That kind of output is hard to overcome from a team with RB’s and WR’s trying to find their sea legs on their team. Week 2 losing Waddle to a concussion likely had some points lost, Najee Harris’ front line is frustrating and despite the Bears playing from behind Justin Fields is not airing it out enough. Jonathan Taylor, whether or not the bears let Justin Fields be Justin Fields or not and playing matchup roulette will likely be the deciding factor on getting wins in the next 3-4 weeks as these matchups are winnable!

The Shawshank Rhamondre – Who is pulling the strings this year? Mike, Mark… or Morgan? Triple M Threat finished last year’s season as the highest scoring team, a powerhouse of players, 10-4 season ending up in 3rd. But this year’s draft grade which OBVIOUSLY is the most important thing since sliced bread, indicated a 7-7 season finishing in 6th… will there be another act of “God”, with the projected 2nd hardest season stand in the way of their glorious march?

Well K. Allen, J. Hurt, TJ Hock, T. Pollard, Rhamondre, Pickens and D. Adams will say otherwise. With clearly the best offensive lineup (see chart below) this wrecking ball of a team has been untouched by the cruel IR hand and has put up the most points thus far this season. We have called in to the team’s home office and await word on claims they made earlier this season on not losing a game. More info to follow soon.

Skankin’ Pickle – “Get Skanked” might have been the theme of last year’s finish to the season and maybe this year’s draft! Coming into the 2023 season with a D- draft grade (the lowest) and a projection to finish 10th (somehow not the lowest lol!) Projected to have one of the hardest years, I wouldn’t count Coach Jenny out. With a higher average offensive ranking and a good supporting cast on her bench (see chart below, a little magic and faith and football matchup smarts and the Skanky Pickle is standing on its own.

Coach Jenny wants to quickly forget week one where she scored a meager 78 points and sported the BLANKED or Goose Egg scoring fourth round pick Drake London… she wanted to forget so quick that she DROPPED London ASAP for K. Bourne… “That’s a Bold Strategy Cotton, Let's see if it Pays Off.” I look forward to seeing which one scores more come the end of the year. Coach Jenny’s bad mojo was quickly shaken off during week 2’s matchup against Koo Koo Kachoo. Skankin’ Pickle put up an impressive 135 points in week 2 and led the entire matchup with front runners Barkley and R. White and pig skin flinger Josh Allen bounced back with his typical performance. Projected to have a slight uphill battle week 3, let's see if she unlocks the secret code to winning!

The Suess is Loose – Last year’s 12th place finisher not only needed months to regrow leg hair back but decided to start the year locking in two high powered keepers instead of taking Coach Eamonns advice and saving the pulled hairs as keepers. With a Draft grade of C+, a projected finish of 5th and a projected record of 8-6 does not match up with the strongest starting lineup in the league (see chart below). This is likely in part because of all the waiver acquisitions Coach James has been making, 9 so far in 3 weeks. Players of note that have been picked up: Kareem Hunt the Browns plug and play, the high scoring Jordan Love and my favorite, Tank Dell who I think could find himself leading his team and possibly being kept and drafted in years to come. We shall see!

Week 1 we saw Aiyuk, Bijan Robinson, Patrick Mahomes and the 2 leading Eagles receivers do what they were drafted to do. Score Points. Posting a solid 139 points helped soften the blow of The Shawshank Rhamondre in week 2; which there was no stopping. But despite the shanking, Coach James was able to put up a respectable 120 points nonetheless securing him the top spot of those with a 1-1 record. The 3rd highest scoring team with the 5th hardest schedule to date, where will the season take them especially with the current BEST OVERALL Starting lineup to date.

The hard to read spreadsheets below paint a picture... it's not the prettiest picture but it's kinda cool. 

The charts below show the rank of players on each team as of 09/23. The lower the better! The charts are not the same and are surprising.

The green highlighted cells are TOP 12 players and the RED empty cells are IR players, which were not calculated into the charts below.

Avg Team Rank: All players rank averaged together.

Avg OFF Rank: Average rank of starting Offensive players.

Avg DEF/ST Rank: Average rank of starting Defensive & K players.

Avg Bench Rank: Average rank of players on Bench.

Avg Starting Lineup Rank: Average rank of entire Starting Lineup

Dome Patrol - Sam: Best Puka Nacua 4th overall; Worst Kendre Miller 799th overall - 1 - Top 12 player on team

High Speed Chase – Reese: Best Kirk Cousins 9th overall; Worst Zach Charbonnet 301st overall - 1 - Top 12 player on team

Impotent Sea Snakes – Guy: Best Dallas Defense 5th overall; Worst Jerry Jeudy 310th overall - 1 - Top 12 player on team

M. Wild’s gRape Van – Aaron: Best Daniel Jones 13th overall; Worst Dallas Goedert 277th overall - 0 -

The Suess is Loose – James: Best Jordan Love 12th overall; Worst Cordarrelle Patterson 723rd overall - 1 - Top 12 player on team

Pocket Dogs – Jimmy: Best Justin Jefferson 7th overall; Worst De’Von Achane 372nd overall - 1 - Top 12 player on team

MyCouchPullsOutIDont – Eamonn: Best Christian McCaffrey 1st overall; Worst Christian Watson 572nd overall - 1 - Top 12 player on team

Skankin’ Pickle – Jenny: Best Josh Allen 36th overall; Worst Matt Brieda 207th overall - 0 -

Shawshank Rhamondre – MMM: Best Keenan Allen 11th overall; Worst Brandin Cooks 326th overall - 1 - Top 12 player on team

Lamb of God – Tim: Best Kyren Williams 10th overall; Worst Elijah Mitchell 273rd overall - 1 - Top 12 player on team

Koo Koo Kachoo – David: Best Russel Wilson 17th overall; Worst Devin Singletary 317th overall - 0 -

Ketchup & Mostert – Matt: Best Tyreek Hill 2nd overall; Worst Kyle Pitts 252nd overall - 2 - Top 12 players on team